First and foremost, my God is amazing!
The kids and I are doing great. Kevin and I are getting along for the sake of the kids and God has taken care of little details I never even would have thought to pray for!
As far as Kevin and I, I am amazed at our relationship now. To begin with, and I think it is perfectly reasonable, there was a lot of anger. I was lied to, deceived and betrayed. But God has done an incredible work in me towards healing my broken heart. I did have to finally come to the place that I said that I did not want someone that I had to convince to want me. I feel that I am now able to look at Kevin with the knowledge that he has been decieved, but that there is nothing I can do about it. That I can't let the things that he's done and let happen to him affect my attitude. Basically, I can't be angry about what I can't control, I have accepted that he has decided he doesn't want this life anymore and that I will be perfectly fine without him. Guys, I've even had his girlfriend IN MY HOUSE! I feel like it is so important for my kids not just to hear momma say that I'm ok, but to see me and their daddy together getting along.
The kids continue to amaze me. They are doing so well! They do occasionally have a tough day, more so at night than any other time, but they are doing so good. We talk about everything, I make sure that they get to talk to their daddy everyday and Kevin and I work together to make sure they get to spend as much time with him as possible. (He's still working nights and most weekends, so it really is a joint effort to maximize what little time they have toegther.)
As for the dating..... It is the most crazy, insane, wonderful thing! It was very difficult to begin with, to have been someone's wife for 10 years, my entire adult life, and be used to that one person, their quirks and habits and then to have to learn how to be myself again, to be able to think about what I want without worrying or being concerned with how it will affect my husband, now that, was crazy. But it's also wonderful!
I have been dating a guy that I have known since I was a teenager, our paths have crossed over the years, and I fully believe that God has a plan in putting us together now. It has been incredible! And get this! He has 2 kids. A boy (7 yrs) and a girl (5yrs). How crazy is that?!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
An Update!
I was thinking I should share...
The kids are doing good. To begin with, I thought it was going to kill me, to see them suffering so much. But they are really doing well. They get to talk to Kevin every night and see him every Saturday and they are such troopers. Every once in a while I can tell one or the other of them is a little down. Isaiah a little more often than Grace, but they usually snap out of it pretty quick. I think it has really helped to be back in school and back in their normal routine.
I am doing good too. Some days are still tough. But I try to keep myself busy and not dwell on the past. My motto of late is: Keep looking forward. I have resolved to stop looking back. To stop dwelling on the things that I cannot change. I felt like I came to my breaking point a week ago, and it was like God literally stepped down, scooped me up and said that's enough, Brandie. It was incredible. Since that moment, I've had this amazing peace and joy that makes no sense, I know it is only God. I really can't even describe how wonderful I feel. Like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I can even say that I am excited to see what God has planned for me, to see what incredible journey He has in store. And that is amazing!
The kids are doing good. To begin with, I thought it was going to kill me, to see them suffering so much. But they are really doing well. They get to talk to Kevin every night and see him every Saturday and they are such troopers. Every once in a while I can tell one or the other of them is a little down. Isaiah a little more often than Grace, but they usually snap out of it pretty quick. I think it has really helped to be back in school and back in their normal routine.
I am doing good too. Some days are still tough. But I try to keep myself busy and not dwell on the past. My motto of late is: Keep looking forward. I have resolved to stop looking back. To stop dwelling on the things that I cannot change. I felt like I came to my breaking point a week ago, and it was like God literally stepped down, scooped me up and said that's enough, Brandie. It was incredible. Since that moment, I've had this amazing peace and joy that makes no sense, I know it is only God. I really can't even describe how wonderful I feel. Like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I can even say that I am excited to see what God has planned for me, to see what incredible journey He has in store. And that is amazing!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Random Dozen
Yes, I realize this is just a meme. But I had to post something, and talking about real stuff just isn't fun right now... You understand, right?
I got this one from Linda at 2nd Cup of Coffee. I just lub her, she makes me smile. And I'm all about things that make me smile right now.
Anyhoo, here it goes: My Random Dozen
1. When you go to Wowmart, what one thing do you get every single time, besides a funky-wheeled squeaking cart full of frustration?
A stinkin headache! But besides that, one of those bags of frozen chicken tenderloins. They're cheap and easy to whip up into a fast, healthy weeknight dinner.
2. What is something that people are currently "into" that you just don't get or appreciate?
Twitter. But I didn't really "get" Facebook not that long ago and now I'm addicted....
3. What is something that really hoists your sail that other people might feel "ho-hum" about?
Running. I've been trying to lose weight since November. A couple of months ago I hit a plateau and quit losing, so I started jogging at the track to change things up. Since then, 15 pounds have melted off. (I've lost 45 total!!) And now, I CRAVE my 45 minutes at the track after work. I'm disappointed if it rains and I can't go. Can you believe that?! I sure can't.
4. Favorite song to sing in the shower or car?
In the shower: I take one in the morning, so it's usually my prayer time too. (That's allowed!!) So I usually end up singing a worship song.
In the car: Whatever's on the radio.
5. A really great salad must have this ingredient:
Grilled Chicken.
6. Advice in a nutshell to new bloggers (one or two sentences):
None, really. I'm still trying to figure it out....
7. What was the alternate name that your parents almost named you? Do you wish they had chosen it instead of the one they gave you?
Don't know of one. I was always going to be Brandie...
8. What in your life are you waiting for?
The pain to go away.
9. You get a package in the mail. What is it, and who is it from?
The clothes I ordered from Target. Yay!
10. Today--what song represents you?
My Life is In Your Hands by Kirk Franklin
11. What is one thing that blogging has taught you about yourself?
That I'm way too invested in what others think of me. It's really helped me put that in perspective though.
12. How are you going to (or how did you) choose the clothes you're wearing today? What do they say about you in general or specifically how you're feeling today?
They're the smallest I have! Yes, I know, I shouldn't be so worried about the number, but it sure does feel good to be an 8! I haven't been this small since before Isaiah was born.
I got this one from Linda at 2nd Cup of Coffee. I just lub her, she makes me smile. And I'm all about things that make me smile right now.
Anyhoo, here it goes: My Random Dozen
1. When you go to Wowmart, what one thing do you get every single time, besides a funky-wheeled squeaking cart full of frustration?
A stinkin headache! But besides that, one of those bags of frozen chicken tenderloins. They're cheap and easy to whip up into a fast, healthy weeknight dinner.
2. What is something that people are currently "into" that you just don't get or appreciate?
Twitter. But I didn't really "get" Facebook not that long ago and now I'm addicted....
3. What is something that really hoists your sail that other people might feel "ho-hum" about?
Running. I've been trying to lose weight since November. A couple of months ago I hit a plateau and quit losing, so I started jogging at the track to change things up. Since then, 15 pounds have melted off. (I've lost 45 total!!
4. Favorite song to sing in the shower or car?
In the shower: I take one in the morning, so it's usually my prayer time too. (That's allowed!!) So I usually end up singing a worship song.
In the car: Whatever's on the radio.
5. A really great salad must have this ingredient:
Grilled Chicken.
6. Advice in a nutshell to new bloggers (one or two sentences):
None, really. I'm still trying to figure it out....
7. What was the alternate name that your parents almost named you? Do you wish they had chosen it instead of the one they gave you?
Don't know of one. I was always going to be Brandie...
8. What in your life are you waiting for?
The pain to go away.
9. You get a package in the mail. What is it, and who is it from?
The clothes I ordered from Target. Yay!
10. Today--what song represents you?
My Life is In Your Hands by Kirk Franklin
11. What is one thing that blogging has taught you about yourself?
That I'm way too invested in what others think of me. It's really helped me put that in perspective though.
12. How are you going to (or how did you) choose the clothes you're wearing today? What do they say about you in general or specifically how you're feeling today?
They're the smallest I have! Yes, I know, I shouldn't be so worried about the number, but it sure does feel good to be an 8! I haven't been this small since before Isaiah was born.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Because being a single mom might not be enough of a challenge.....
I also decided now would be a good time to get a puppy.
But here, I'll show you why I did it:
They had no idea, I surprised them with her after karate practice Monday afternoon.
They were ecstatic! And they have been so good with her. I've been making them feed her and get up in the morning and take her for her walks. Of course, I have to take care of the middle of the night bathroom trips. My Lord, it's like I have a newborn again! But she's so cute. How can you be mad at a face like this?
Meet Jasmine
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Changes
I don't know why exactly I feel so compelled to write this out, but I do. Things haven't been the same here and I feel the need to explain why. To tell you that they will probably never be the same, but maybe, one day, they will be better.
My husband, the love of my frickin life, left me a month ago. It did not catch me by surprise, we had been dealing with the situation since May when I found out about the girl he had been talking to. I whole heartedly believe that the girl, the situation, was merely an attack of the devil to destroy my husband, to pull him away from God and our family. To bring devastation. And that is exactly what has happened.
I struggle everyday with my emotions. I'm very much on a roller coaster ride every minute. The worst being so very sad for what I and my babies have lost, the memories that we won't get to make as a family, the incredible loneliness, and the anger at Kevin for being so weak and selfish. But through all of this, I have found such great strength in my heavenly father. I have turned to and found peace in Him more in the last few months than I have in the last couple of years. But even in that, I am so sad that it took this to make me draw closer to God.
I don't know where this road will take me, but I do know who is walking it with me.
And maybe that's why I felt the need to write this. To let someone else know that it's ok for life not to go the way you plan it. That sometimes life sucks. But no matter what, we are never alone through a minute of it.
My husband, the love of my frickin life, left me a month ago. It did not catch me by surprise, we had been dealing with the situation since May when I found out about the girl he had been talking to. I whole heartedly believe that the girl, the situation, was merely an attack of the devil to destroy my husband, to pull him away from God and our family. To bring devastation. And that is exactly what has happened.
I struggle everyday with my emotions. I'm very much on a roller coaster ride every minute. The worst being so very sad for what I and my babies have lost, the memories that we won't get to make as a family, the incredible loneliness, and the anger at Kevin for being so weak and selfish. But through all of this, I have found such great strength in my heavenly father. I have turned to and found peace in Him more in the last few months than I have in the last couple of years. But even in that, I am so sad that it took this to make me draw closer to God.
I don't know where this road will take me, but I do know who is walking it with me.
And maybe that's why I felt the need to write this. To let someone else know that it's ok for life not to go the way you plan it. That sometimes life sucks. But no matter what, we are never alone through a minute of it.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Life is like a box of chocolates....
Or so I've heard. Here lately, it's been pretty sucktastic, and as I can recall, chocolate rarely ever sucks. So I'm not going to talk about it right now.
No children were harmed in the making of these s'mores, the washtub, however, will never be the same.
Mmmmmm- kay?
Okay.
But I will tell you the tale of my kids and I making s'mores. S'mores. A tame, wonderful, nostalgic childhood snack.....
Or a tool of the devil to bring about imminent death, or at the very least, 2nd degree burns.
Please note the empty chair my 8 year old high tailed it out of once we finally got our measly twigs lit.
Lessons learned:
1. Small, dry twigs go up in flames FAST!
2. Using an old metal washtub as a fire pit? Not my best moment.
3. 8 year old boys could care less about gooey, chocolatey goodness and more about setting marshmallows on fire and slinging them across the yard.
4. 6 year old girls will eat every s'more you let her make.
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
No children were harmed in the making of these s'mores, the washtub, however, will never be the same.
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